New Life Goals

Oh boy, this week, this week. I'm not even getting into it right now, all I am going to say is that when I get bit by a radioactive spider amongst my new and awesome powers better be time travel/Ability to Stop Time/Manipulate Time/Whateva + Time. Small favors, is all I'm asking.

So Sparks, who is a good friend of ours, recently highlighted for me the fact that my priorities are WAY out of whack. It's true. So starting today I am wiping the slate clean and starting a new plan to take charge of that situation. The problem is that up until now 'Ive been focusing too much on the short-term, little things, like work, family, romance, &c. &c. I know, I know: totally ridunkadonk and shame on me. Thankfully I've seen the light and can set myself on the right path towards some serious life goals, namely: meeting a prince.

I know right! So obvious! I don't know how it escaped me for so long. Here's the plan:

1. Meet this guy. Done and DONE. Techincally Sparks met him, not me, but apparently she's allowed invited to bring friends, so I am in like Anna Paquin. SIDE NOTE: Can we take a break and talk about how much I love middle-aged French people? Let's do. SO MUCH. In college approximately 80% of my music professors were of this rare breed and it was like living in my own little Rou Royale each and every beau jour. They would speak just-imperfect-enough-to-be-adorable English and tell us all how lucky we were not to live in Paris where the honkings of the automotives are tojour the whole day  and the examinations are très très difficile so you should feel so lucky to be studying l'musique in America, no? Ah, l'université, mon cœur de cœur deluxe.

2. Attend all of the swankiest, hottest parties looking fabulous. Having accomplished Part1, I imagine this part will be easy peasy lemon sqeezy. Having lived in New York all my life I know that there is a 'scene' of 'cool' people who go to 'parties,' but I never really though about how that all got taken care of. I am far too lazy busy doing karaoke and going to the same bars every weekend to worry about such things, obviously. But now that I have a hookup to the hip nightlife I figure it'll be a snap to bring my brand of special sauce to the rich, powerful, famous, and most importantly royal set.

3. Attract the attention of an eligible princely bachelor. How hard could this possibly be? When I lived in London British men were always like, ooh, an American girl, wot wot! I'm not 100% sure why, but I think maybe they all saw Love, Actually and thought that they were this this guy. In my experience...not so much. HOWEVER I imagine that it's a similar situation on the Continent and beyond, and I intend to press my advantage.

So far my extensive and thorough research has turned up several strong contenders for the position of prince to be dating me, including Prince Carl Philip of Sweden, Prince, Andrea Albert Pierre Casiraghi of Monaco, and Prince Félix of Luxembourg. I'm leaning on Monaco because I have a suspicious that Sparks has already called dibs on Prince Carl and Luxembourg just isn't my type. Plus, bonus: Monaco lives in New York so I am basically 75% of the way to becoming Grace Kelly already.

And to those of you who are like what? Are you SETTLING??--I know, I know, he's no RDJ, but unfortunately that is (currently) married and I am no Suzy Homewrecker, thank you very much; I am a capital C to the Lassy Lady--I say don't worry! I've got all my bases covered. I fully plan on prepping Andy on the list situation before we seal the deal, but given my high market value (several chickens AND a goat!) and how ridiculously in love with me I am planning for him to be, I don't think it'll be a problem at all. If all goes according to plan And given his international fame and fortune and his swinging lifestyle, I'm sure we could come to an agreement and set something up...

We will be registering at Tiffany's, Sacks, and Bed Bath & Beyond, for your convenience