The March Cake, Part IV: The Wire

I'm just going to jump right in here without recapping what I've done so far. Good? Okay

This is where things start to get wacky. Way way back in the planning process, before I knew that I was going to be creating a mash-up of BoSox and Slim Shady, I had entertaining the idea of making a topsy-turvy cake. I'd never made one before and given that this was supposed to be 'special' I thought I might give it a try. Once I realized what the design elements were going to be, however, I realized that this crazy concoction was not going to lend itself well to offset layers, and I scrapped the idea entirely. HOWEVER while I had moved on, Hattie was not giving up on the idea of whimsical bakering, and insisted that even if I was not going to carve the layers at a tilt, I should at least make them flared because, quote, round is boring, unquote. This was an example of POOR DECISION MAKING. You know how they say too many chefs spoil the soup? Yeah. Regrettably, here I am carving the cake into an un-boring shape:

In my own defense, that is a work in progress, but still. Still. This is a great learning opportunity for those of you out there who are no good at saying no. SAY NO. Anyways.

Once I had sufficiently defaced my previous hard work, I set about applying the buttercream. I mainly use buttercream to even out the shape of the cake and to provide a layer of sticky to which the fondant can properly adhere. Also it's delicious, so I like to use as much as humanly possible. Below is what the above disaster looked like, after being buttercreamed:

Don't worry, don't worry, I smoothed it out a little more than that.

NEXT STEP: Applying the fondant. Perhaps I should back that thang up a little bit. Let's start with: what is fondant? Well, dear reader(s), fondant is basically sugar that's been cooked into play-dough form. It's the stuff on the surface of wedding cakes that makes everything look smooth and even. You can make it at home, but I don't like to, so I buy it in five pound tubs instead. First thing is, you have to roll out the fondant on a work surface. Coincidentally, I have a ginormous wooden cutting board exactly for this purpose!

Please note that the fondant here is black. Not chocolate, black. My mom has a saying: no one want to eat a black cake. Which is too bad, because my mom was definitely coming to my brother's birthday party and that cake was sure as molasses going to be black. Take that mom! Once you have a good sheet of fondant, it needs to go on the cake, like so:

AHH! A GHOST! A SHEET ON A TABLE! A CAKEWRECK IN THE MAKING! No, no, and very very yes. Fondant behaves a lot like really thick cloth, so you have to smooth it out until it becomes a-like so:

Looks like a giant black pylon, no? Yum.

So at this point I have a confession to make. I was planning on posting the pictures of the final product today--it seemed like it was time, I mean enough of this already--but the truth is that I don't have them. My dad took all the final-stage photos and he hasn't sent them to me yet. Sad. Face. HOWEVER, in an attempt to achieve some kind of backward continuity to this crazy undertaking, I planned ahead and instead drew you a delicious cake. Read: doodled it during my class last night. Sigh. Who am I fooling, really.

And there it is. I promise that as soon as I obtain actual photographic evidence of this ...masterpiece... (NOTE SARCASTIMARKS PLZ THX) I will be sure to share. In the meantime, come back tomorrow to see how this crazy caper concludes. (with consonance. Ahahaha)