What the Eph?

So my plan for today was to regale you with an elaborate fantasy I had recently involving international espionage, European royalty, and Matt Damon, but I was sidetracked during the first paragraph (surprised? I didn't think so) when I googled "friendly neighborhood child psychologist." SO NO FANTASY TODAY OKAY?? Okay.

If you are a regular guest on our show it should be pretty clear at this point that I enjoy  nothing more than a good google. I waste invest a goodly amount of time every day plugging things into my browser's search bar and eagerly sifting through what comes up. So far this month I have learned about lil wayne's mysterious tooth ailment, smack heroin, old jail art center, and Vice Admiral James Stockdale. (Damn you Trivia Dave.) I also enjoy a good incoherent website, and when those two worlds collide, watch out, because shit gets magical.

So instead of exploring the wondrous world of my idle imagination, boys and girls, today I'd like to take you on a guided tour of this bag of words. Let's a-start at the beginning:

EphBlog, Your UNofficial source for All Things Eph!

Solid opening, as it raises many questions, right off the bat. Like what is an Eph? And how many Eph things can there possibly be? Apparently the answer to that second question is, enough that the internet requires BOTH an official and an UNofficial source just to contain them all. More pressingly, if there is so much Eph flowing through the internets, how come I am just now hearing about it? Well friends, lets go ahead and mozie (mozy? mowzee? mowgli?) on over to the EphBlog FAQ to see what we've all been missing:

What is EphBlog’s motto?

All Things Eph. This is a three word summary about how many of us think about EphBlog. The motto should be interpreted as broadly as possible. We are interested in anything and everything related to any Eph. Of course, there is a sense in which this is impossibly broad. Since Ephs are everywhere and involved in everything, it would be hard to come up with a topic that was not Eph-related somehow.

EPHS ARE EVERYWHERE AND INVOLVED IN EVERYTHING. Okay, after reading that I'm not going to lie, I feel like I'm about 30% on my way to joining a cult. Weird homepage? Check. Ridiculously vague but megalomaniacal mission statement? Chiggety check check. At this point I think it's time to consult our trustydusty copy of thefreedictionary.com to find out the real deal Happy Meal. Which apparently is that Ephs are elderly biblical hydrocarbon surprise attack epidemiologist bankers farming with persistant headaches (incidentally I bet that their headaches would improve if they switched from energy pattern healing to Aleve). Thanks internet, I know you got my back. MOVING ON:

David : Fourteen Fun Facts (4) Child Psychologist

Okay. Before we get down to any psochologistry, I need some clarification. Are there fourteen facts or four (4)? Or is this the fourth in a series called 'Fourteen Fun Facts'? Or maybe the (4) is a clever reference to the fact that the number '4' and the word 'for' sound exactly alike! Hehehe so clever, David, I bet that's why they call you 'Fourteen Fun Facts (4) Child Psychologist.'

“How else are we to shape the hearts and minds of future Ephs if not by publicly praising behavior which is good and criticizing behavior which is bad?” … David in a recent comment

And welcome back to the fold, my brother. Definitely a cult. Still not convinced? Check out this totally normal and not at all child molestery mugheadshot:

'I can psychology the pants off your chillens! (Figuratively and probably also literally)' Is what David is obviously trying to say with this picture, as clearly evidenced by the juxtaposition of a) old-timey cover of which all I can see is someone wielding a baseball bat under the (presumable) title 'Children the Challenge.' (Editor's Note: I checked it out on Amazon and full title: "Children: The Challenge: The Classic Work on Improving Parent-Child Relations--Intelligent, Humane & Eminently Practical." Excerpt: "On every side and in every gathering, children make themselves obtrusive and obnoxious" Conclusion: AMAZING) and b) weirdly pixelated picture of David? resting his head at a jaunty angle. This looks EXACTLY like the kind of friendly neighborhood child psychologist I was looking for when I decided to find my child's new therapist on the interwebs! And that kind is blurry, hates children, and lives in his mom's basement.

David is an eminent child psychologist! And he is using ephblog as a ‘natural consequence’.
 
Well now, somebody is feelin' mighty proud of himself. It's probably because he went and got himself one of those collegiate-type degrees I'm always seeing advertised on the T.V.  I was thinking about calling that toll-free number myself on account of I clearly don't have enough edumacation yet to understand this doctorman's jibberjabber.

The two-parter:

a. Do you think ephblog is an appropriate tool for shaping the minds of future ephs or do you think this David’s super-ego talking?

b. What do you think of ‘the family constellation’ as an operative? Maybe you were raised with this book at the family meetings, maybe you are using it now.

Let me answer your two-parter with another two-parter (touche!) 

a. Didn't you read the motto? Isn't that EXACTLY what ephblog is appropriate for? Because it sure as sherbet isn't appropriate for anything else.

b. Huhwha? I think the more likely possibility is maybe you didn't get enough hugs as a child.

Aaaaaaaand scene. There you have it. I'm not sure what else to say, except that thank god for Al Gore, because these are the kinds of things that make my life worth living.