TGITuesday

Oh em gee dear reader(s), it is only 10 in the A to the M and I am already having a what kind of day is this going to be kind of day. Oh. Em. Gee. Thank god it's Tuesday and...wait a minute, it's only Tuesday. F*ck. Oh well.

Here's what we've got so far:

Woke up late. Yeppers, I of the early morning brigade (NOT) managed to forget once again to turn my alarm clock on last night.  This happens on a fairly regular basis, which is probably a signal that I should stop using my phone as an alarm clock and get a real alarm clock like a grown-up person, but I just...don't want to. Okay fine, I hear you say, then why not leave your phone alarm on, dumbot. In my defense, I don't actually turn off the alarm itself, I just turn off the sound, and only when I have class so as not to disturb my fellow students with the frequent buzzing from all the calls/texts I get because I'm sooooo popular. Then I forget to turn it back on when I get home and...yeah.  In my mind forgetting to wake up because your alarm is on stealth mode is somehow less objectionable than forgetting to wake up because you overslept your alarm--it's basic logic.

Also, my morning sickness is back! No, I am not pregnant (although I wouldn't say no to a nice Asian baby). For a good month at the beginning of the year I had crazy morning sickness which would be totally understandable if I were gestating a fetus, but as all I have in my belly at any given time is a burning desire for special soup, makes pretty much 0.00 sense. I chalked it up to dryness in the air or dehydration or whateva and figured it would go away on its own, which is eventually (thankfully) did, but now it has returned with a vengeance! So yeah, that's just a party in a box.

Got molested. Strictly speaking, this happened last night during my class, but the dirty feeling just won't wash away...I feel so unclean...okay so I was sitting there minding my own business, munching on my little snack like the faux-diabetic/for real-obsessive compulsive that I am when the brazen hussy sitting next to me reaches out a withered claw and grabs me. Now I can be plenty touchy-touchy with people that I know but I do NOT, repeat do NOT like being groped by strangers. Take a memo:

To: Strangers

From: March Hare

Subject: Touching

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Point taken? Good. Back to our story: when we left off, Brazen Hussy had her grubby paws all up ons. Then she turned to me and with a totally creepy giggle/smile said 'can you please just, NOT do that?' Hold up, bitch. I don't know you. You don't know me. What makes you think you can play clutchy Cathy with my body parts and then tell ME to tone down the OCD? As if! And why do you think your inappropriateness behavior is going to be mitigated by leering like a serial killer? Girl you need to step. off. And I need to take another shower...shudder.

Lost my lunch. Literally, not figuratively (don't worry, I haven't gotten to the full-on upchuck stage, but it's early yet). Yesterday I was treated to a classy lunch by a family friend at a delicious restaurant, and being the little penny saver that I am I thought I would be absofruitly brilliant and bring home some leftovers for my lunch today. Good idea right? WRONG. I put said leftovers in my office fridge yesterday at 1:30PM, fully intending to partake of them at noontime today, but this morning when I got to work the were GONE. As if that wasn't bad enough--and seriously, is there anything so terrible as lunches lost?--there was a mass email in my inbox cc'd to everyone in the office, admonishing whoever left the foul-smelling item in the fridge, explaining that it was disposed of last night, and warning that unless people took better care of the common areas there were going to be some serious rules laid down. WHAT?? I put those in there yesterday afternoon! How in the hey ho did they get so rank as to be offensive a mere six hours later?? I'm not saying anyone's at fault here (although if someone were, I don't think it should be moi), but that was at least two lunches worth of leftovers that I will never see or here from again. On top of which I was basically called out as the office stinker, which I feel was totally undeserved. Sad. Face.

So to sum up, so far today I have been tardy, nauseus, defiled, and shamed. AND IT'S NOT EVEN NOON YET. Topical Tee, Take it Away!